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Good Intentions
Back in England, and I've fallen back into the old routine, or lack of one. Trying to get up in the morning, Mum's lists of chores, the regular meal-times; it's easier just to log into Vanguard and lose myself in that world.
One change though: I've started driving lessons. Yes, for those of you who weren't aware, I am probably the only 37-year old in the world without a driving license. I found my driving instructor through my counselor; we were discussing my anxiety about driving, and she said she'd keep an eye out for learner drivers and see if the instructors looked like sympathetic people who I'd get on with. It turns out that my instructor suffers from anxiety, a similar affliction to depression. Strange, huh.
It's been going well. She pushes me quite hard, and it's frustrating not being able to do stuff automatically yet. There seems to be so much to learn and concentrate on, yet once it becomes more sub-conscious I guess the noise level drops and you can concentrate on the more important stuff, like other drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.
Angel is off to Kenya for her half-term holidays, with Mandi, so I won't be able to see her for a couple of weeks. She's not been able to update her blog because she's had exams, so her child-minder's been strict about what she does on the computer. She tells me all her friends use MySpace, but I told her that was blogging for noobs, and one day I'll teach her some HTML and she can create her own Blogger template. Like most kids, she uses her mobile phone more than a PC, so she's adept at texting but not 'web-savvy'. I'll have to fix that sometime.
The weather here is very overcast, and there's a nice steady drizzle to keep the lawn moist. The lawn's become my pet project, mainly because it's a good excuse for getting out of the other gardening chores. It's in a terrible state, loads of moss, some bald patches and awful drainage. I've been scarifying it, and put down some weedkiller/fertilizer before I left, but it turns out my aim wasn't too steady as the grass has sprouted in strips.
I'm hoping to take Angel out to Canada with me for two weeks in August, and after that, I'm hoping (once I pass my test) to go back to St Vincent for a while. Lots of stuff needs to be done out there. I wonder, how many people would be up for free board and lodging in St Vincent, in return for a bit of painting and decorating, or other manual work? I'm sure I can organise a small army of volunteers - the flights are so cheap these days on the internet. Answers in the comments please :)
One change though: I've started driving lessons. Yes, for those of you who weren't aware, I am probably the only 37-year old in the world without a driving license. I found my driving instructor through my counselor; we were discussing my anxiety about driving, and she said she'd keep an eye out for learner drivers and see if the instructors looked like sympathetic people who I'd get on with. It turns out that my instructor suffers from anxiety, a similar affliction to depression. Strange, huh.
It's been going well. She pushes me quite hard, and it's frustrating not being able to do stuff automatically yet. There seems to be so much to learn and concentrate on, yet once it becomes more sub-conscious I guess the noise level drops and you can concentrate on the more important stuff, like other drivers, cyclists and pedestrians.
Angel is off to Kenya for her half-term holidays, with Mandi, so I won't be able to see her for a couple of weeks. She's not been able to update her blog because she's had exams, so her child-minder's been strict about what she does on the computer. She tells me all her friends use MySpace, but I told her that was blogging for noobs, and one day I'll teach her some HTML and she can create her own Blogger template. Like most kids, she uses her mobile phone more than a PC, so she's adept at texting but not 'web-savvy'. I'll have to fix that sometime.
The weather here is very overcast, and there's a nice steady drizzle to keep the lawn moist. The lawn's become my pet project, mainly because it's a good excuse for getting out of the other gardening chores. It's in a terrible state, loads of moss, some bald patches and awful drainage. I've been scarifying it, and put down some weedkiller/fertilizer before I left, but it turns out my aim wasn't too steady as the grass has sprouted in strips.
I'm hoping to take Angel out to Canada with me for two weeks in August, and after that, I'm hoping (once I pass my test) to go back to St Vincent for a while. Lots of stuff needs to be done out there. I wonder, how many people would be up for free board and lodging in St Vincent, in return for a bit of painting and decorating, or other manual work? I'm sure I can organise a small army of volunteers - the flights are so cheap these days on the internet. Answers in the comments please :)
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Labels: depression, family, personal
Back in Dorking
Got in at 6am this morning, 45 mins early, so I had to wait 45 mins for Mum to arrive to pick me up. The flight was OK, although I watched films rather than sleep so I had to go to bed when I got back home, and woke up at 2pm. England is looking even greener than when I left, good to see we've had some rain. However the weather looks very hot at the moment - beautiful blue sky outside the window as I type.
Labels: personal
Pit stop
Just got back from Heather's cottage - left at 8am this morning - and now off to her mother's for lunch. I did take my laptop up to the cottage but never got around to opening it. Such is life there.
Soon I'll be packing and getting ready for my flight back tomorrow. I'll try and update again before then and fill in all the gaps from last week.
Soon I'll be packing and getting ready for my flight back tomorrow. I'll try and update again before then and fill in all the gaps from last week.
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Rainy days
We had the most amazing thunderstorm yesterday. All day, the wind had been blowing very warm, up to 27 degrees, and I was warned that this meant unpredictable weather. Sure enough, in the afternoon it started hailing, and then the clouds rolled in and the rain started. It was great to watch it all unfold from my 14th floor vantage point.
Heather's gone to the States today to wrap up some business she's been working on, so I'm probably going to chill out and be in Vanguard most of the day. Apparently Sony's just bought out the game's developer as they were getting impatient with the lack of progress. Hopefully, after a brief takeover lull, things should start to improve drastically.
I've been wondering, maybe it's the style of my writing that doesn't encourage comments? After all, I'm just relating stuff that goes on, and not exactly sharing or soliciting opinions. And I'm also hoping that most of you reading this won't also suffer from depression, so there's little to relate to in terms of feelings.
Heather's gone to the States today to wrap up some business she's been working on, so I'm probably going to chill out and be in Vanguard most of the day. Apparently Sony's just bought out the game's developer as they were getting impatient with the lack of progress. Hopefully, after a brief takeover lull, things should start to improve drastically.
I've been wondering, maybe it's the style of my writing that doesn't encourage comments? After all, I'm just relating stuff that goes on, and not exactly sharing or soliciting opinions. And I'm also hoping that most of you reading this won't also suffer from depression, so there's little to relate to in terms of feelings.
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Gone fishing
We went up to Heather's cottage on the lake on Tuesday night, and had fun getting the water system hooked up. The pipe leading down to the lake had some air pockets in it, and one of the copper pipes underneath the house had obviously frozen over the winter, and had bent at a joint with a plastic pipe section, so that all needed to be re-tightened. Heather was very pleased that we managed to get it done however, as normally her boyfriend Kent would have done it and made a big fuss about it.
I tried a bit of fishing that night, and the next morning, but nothing biting. Kent's son Kurt arrived later on Weds. - his wife Gaelene is just about to give birth, and he's just finished his degree, so he had a small window in which to get up to the cottage and do some fishing. Unfortunately it had started raining by the time he got there, but we still went out on the docks to fish, hiding under the fir trees when the raindrops got too big. We were getting no bites at all, until suddenly, I had a pike on the line, and hardly noticed it as the fish wasn't putting up much of a fight. Kurt put this down to the fact that the water was still very cold after the winter.
Anyway, we continued to try our luck the rest of the afternoon, with no results. I still had a worm on my line when we decided to head back and pack it in, so I left the rod propped up behind the railing on the dock, to see if anything would take the bait overnight. We then headed down the road to pick up a canoe from a neighbours cottage, having decided that the only way to find the fish was to paddle to them.
The next morning I checked the line, and it had got caught up under the dock. Sure enough, there was a small rock bass on the end, trying to hide away in the shadows. I reeled the line in a bit to untangle it, and went back up to the house to inform Kurt that there were some more fish in the lake after all. On my return however, another shock: a big pike had come up and swallowed the rock bass! So there was the bass, having swallowed the bait and hook so efficiently that the only option was to cut the line, and now the pike had swallowed the whole bass, so in the end I unhooked the hook and sinker from the leader, and decided to let the pike go.
For the rest of the day, Kurt and I paddled around the lake trying to find fish. Apart from an encounter with another pike, however, we didn't get a single bite. Moreover, there were no signs of the little minnows that normally inhabit the margins of the lake, nor of the crayfish that feed off the plant debris that covers the lake bed. Maybe the pike had overpopulated the lake and eaten all the smaller fish? Or maybe pollution from nearby industrial sites had caused acid rain to fall, preventing the smaller fish from spawning this year.
In any case, it was a pleasure simply being up at the cottage, away from the traffic and bustle of the city. Kurt left on Thursday night, and Heather and I stayed until Friday just after lunch.
Heather has some old friends staying at the moment, a missionary couple who live in Pakistan, so they've been out meeting their church supporters most of the time, but it's made logistics harder as they have the house keys and Heather's car. We spent most of the weekend up at Aunty Olive's, as Arthur and his family were down from Elgin. I must admit, I'm getting a bit overwhelmed by these large family gatherings - I don't know whether it's because I'm used to a lot of time on my own, or whether it's the Lone Atheist Syndrome. Recently, when I've had a chance to get onto my laptop, I've logged straight into Vanguard to escape - hence the week-long blog silence. I should really set aside a small time each day just to write a bit.
And last but not least - congratulations to Mr & Mrs Cook on their new baby girl! Raise your glass (or cup, or whatever) to Martha Rose.
I tried a bit of fishing that night, and the next morning, but nothing biting. Kent's son Kurt arrived later on Weds. - his wife Gaelene is just about to give birth, and he's just finished his degree, so he had a small window in which to get up to the cottage and do some fishing. Unfortunately it had started raining by the time he got there, but we still went out on the docks to fish, hiding under the fir trees when the raindrops got too big. We were getting no bites at all, until suddenly, I had a pike on the line, and hardly noticed it as the fish wasn't putting up much of a fight. Kurt put this down to the fact that the water was still very cold after the winter.
Anyway, we continued to try our luck the rest of the afternoon, with no results. I still had a worm on my line when we decided to head back and pack it in, so I left the rod propped up behind the railing on the dock, to see if anything would take the bait overnight. We then headed down the road to pick up a canoe from a neighbours cottage, having decided that the only way to find the fish was to paddle to them.
The next morning I checked the line, and it had got caught up under the dock. Sure enough, there was a small rock bass on the end, trying to hide away in the shadows. I reeled the line in a bit to untangle it, and went back up to the house to inform Kurt that there were some more fish in the lake after all. On my return however, another shock: a big pike had come up and swallowed the rock bass! So there was the bass, having swallowed the bait and hook so efficiently that the only option was to cut the line, and now the pike had swallowed the whole bass, so in the end I unhooked the hook and sinker from the leader, and decided to let the pike go.
For the rest of the day, Kurt and I paddled around the lake trying to find fish. Apart from an encounter with another pike, however, we didn't get a single bite. Moreover, there were no signs of the little minnows that normally inhabit the margins of the lake, nor of the crayfish that feed off the plant debris that covers the lake bed. Maybe the pike had overpopulated the lake and eaten all the smaller fish? Or maybe pollution from nearby industrial sites had caused acid rain to fall, preventing the smaller fish from spawning this year.
In any case, it was a pleasure simply being up at the cottage, away from the traffic and bustle of the city. Kurt left on Thursday night, and Heather and I stayed until Friday just after lunch.
Heather has some old friends staying at the moment, a missionary couple who live in Pakistan, so they've been out meeting their church supporters most of the time, but it's made logistics harder as they have the house keys and Heather's car. We spent most of the weekend up at Aunty Olive's, as Arthur and his family were down from Elgin. I must admit, I'm getting a bit overwhelmed by these large family gatherings - I don't know whether it's because I'm used to a lot of time on my own, or whether it's the Lone Atheist Syndrome. Recently, when I've had a chance to get onto my laptop, I've logged straight into Vanguard to escape - hence the week-long blog silence. I should really set aside a small time each day just to write a bit.
And last but not least - congratulations to Mr & Mrs Cook on their new baby girl! Raise your glass (or cup, or whatever) to Martha Rose.
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Been visiting
Bit of a busy day today. After a couple of days chilling at Heather's flat, playing online while she did some work on her freelance consulting job, today we decided to visit Shawna and Neil in London (Ontario), and then we dropped by at Kurt and Gaelene's for dinner in Kitchener.
London... with the River Thames and Covent Garden Market to boot. No kidding. We had lunch sat on a dock by the Thames (which actually seems to be a confluence of two rivers) and then went shopping in Covent Garden Market and had a coffee outside in the sun. Nice day, a little breeze to take the sting out of the sunshine, and Heather had made a little picnic. Neil seems much better, and Shawna was her usual bubbly self. Oh, and I got to catch up with Shawna's two cats, who I spent a lot of time with when I was here last year. In fact, they pretty much shared Shawna's flat with me.
Then we called Gaelene and stopped by to see her. She's expecting their first kid in June and is really feeling the pressure - literally, her bump is as hard as a rock and she is starting to have trouble breathing. And the little one is a kicker too, especially at night. She doesn't want to raise expectations by finding out if it's boy or girl, so they just call it Bam-Bam. So Bam-Bam's getting a check-up on Tuesday, and after that, Kurt's going to drive me up to the cottage where we will fish until Heather arrives later in the week.
Kurt arrived shortly after we did - he'd been out golfing - and they invited us to stay for dinner, so Kurt fired up the barbecue and we had homemade burgers and some nice red wine that Kurt had won at the golf tournament.
On the way back, I played some music on my MP3 player via an FM transmitter to the car's stereo, to keep Heather awake. I started with some ambient techno (Orb, Bola, Gescom) and then ramped up to some D&B. Well, she was still awake when we arrived, so, job done.
London... with the River Thames and Covent Garden Market to boot. No kidding. We had lunch sat on a dock by the Thames (which actually seems to be a confluence of two rivers) and then went shopping in Covent Garden Market and had a coffee outside in the sun. Nice day, a little breeze to take the sting out of the sunshine, and Heather had made a little picnic. Neil seems much better, and Shawna was her usual bubbly self. Oh, and I got to catch up with Shawna's two cats, who I spent a lot of time with when I was here last year. In fact, they pretty much shared Shawna's flat with me.
Then we called Gaelene and stopped by to see her. She's expecting their first kid in June and is really feeling the pressure - literally, her bump is as hard as a rock and she is starting to have trouble breathing. And the little one is a kicker too, especially at night. She doesn't want to raise expectations by finding out if it's boy or girl, so they just call it Bam-Bam. So Bam-Bam's getting a check-up on Tuesday, and after that, Kurt's going to drive me up to the cottage where we will fish until Heather arrives later in the week.
Kurt arrived shortly after we did - he'd been out golfing - and they invited us to stay for dinner, so Kurt fired up the barbecue and we had homemade burgers and some nice red wine that Kurt had won at the golf tournament.
On the way back, I played some music on my MP3 player via an FM transmitter to the car's stereo, to keep Heather awake. I started with some ambient techno (Orb, Bola, Gescom) and then ramped up to some D&B. Well, she was still awake when we arrived, so, job done.
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Winding down
I'm not writing as much here as I'd hoped, but it's a bit demoralising when I get no comments... I sent a mass email to lots of friends, but have had no replies or comments left. Oh well.
The hectic period with all the family arriving and running around has almost ended. We took Arthur back up to Elgin over the weekend, and apart from having to sit through a few Christian singalongs, it was a very pleasant weekend. Andrew is leaving tomorrow - we had a nice chat in the car when he took me back to Heather's yesterday - and so the only people left from overseas are Aunty Mags and Uncle Robbie.
Aunty Mags is much better; she's been monitoring her blood pressure, drinking Beetroot juice and lots of water, although she's a bit sick of people telling her to drink water all the time now! The accident Neil had was not as severe as originally feared - at least, he is recovering well. I've spoken to Shawna and she's much more upbeat about the whole incident. I guess being in the US when it happened, her mind ran off with her and she feared the worst.
Heather's been very busy trying to finish off a project she had taken on before Dad went into hospital, doing a consulting job for a firm in the US. So she's been at her flat most of the week, when not visiting Shawna, and on the phone and the PC, finishing off a critical document. Yesterday I had the first chance in a while to log into Vanguard for a while, and ended up staying up later than I had planned on. But it's nice, sitting here at the PC, with Heather in the other room. I guess it's a change from visiting all these 'new' relatives and having to socialise so much, which I'm not used to.
Anyway, more of that tonight - we're off to Pam's for dinner. Pam is one of Uncle Ben Fletcher's daughters.
For the techies out there, I just got a replacement battery for my old MP3 player, which should give me more playing time, but the problem with the screen pixellating hasn't gone away. I also got 2Gb of RAM for my laptop, which makes all the difference, seeing as the graphics card uses system RAM.