Well, according to the consultant psychiatrist I saw today, I'm not actually depressed, just suffering from some sort of personality disorder. Well, *that's* reassuring. As with all these "specialists" though, he has a pet interest - addiction. So of course, as soon as I'd said I'd done a bit of experimenting at University, he tied that in with my gaming and assumed it was some sort of addiction.

Well, there's no doubting that I play a lot online. But then again, if I haven't got access to the net, I'll be reading a book, or just sleeping - anything to get away from the boredom of RL. So my real motivation is not addiction, but escapism. Plus, my record of drug use is certainly not one that shouts "addict" - I've only really ever dabbled, experimentally, and never made a habit of going out every weekend to get smashed as 'kids do these days'. I went tee-total for 3 years and hardly drink these days. I don't gamble. If I'm an addictive personality, then I'm a terrible example.

The counsellor who I saw last year said I was definitely depressed, and all the doctors I've seen since my breakdown in 2003 have said that. Who'm I to believe? The guy who I've got to pay lots of money to?

Well, the good thing that's come out of it, is that he's going to recommend a CBT counsellor to me. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is something I touched on when I was first diagnosed by the NHS, but it was something to do while I was waiting to get into a therapy group. They basically stuck me in front of a PC and I had to go through the course on my own. Not very effective. It'll be interesting (if expensive) to have someone actually go through it with me.

Labels: depression, gaming, personal