I'm heading off to Canada for a month tomorrow, as my Dad's condition is deteriorating rapidly. My sister Heather doesn't think he's going to last long.



I'm finding it hard to get emotional about it at all, I have very mixed feelings. On the one hand, I don't feel any connection with Dad at all, as he's pretty much made it clear he's never been interested in keeping in touch or being an active influence in my life. As far as he's concerned, God has forgiven him for the sin of fathering me. He hasn't asked forgiveness from God or from me for abandoning me, however, as he doesn't recognise this as a fault.



On the other hand, I'm concerned for Heather and the way she's feeling, and I don't want to show my apathy for Dad's situation as she is clearly very distressed by his condition and very close to him. So I'm going to support her in a time when I should in theory need support myself, but I don't. In a way his death will draw a line under the subject for me.



Better get packing then.