No energy today. Got up at about 10.30 with the prospect of doing the hoovering downstairs to motivate me... Mum sent me an email last night complaining about how I had left some washing up for her to do, how she had been working all day etc. etc. and I didn't care about her, I was hiding behind my depression, and because I don't talk to her about "how I feel" how is she to help me?

Problem is, Mum creates so much work for herself; she keeps the house as if she had a coterie of servants to do all the work, but she doesn't. She insists on exact mealtimes, and even though there are just two of us, she wants to have a full-blown sit-down dinner once a day. She can't see that she is getting too old to cling to standards of housekeeping that went out 50 years ago.

The other problem is that she can't do something for anyone without expecting some sort of payback, and she forces food on people and then gets upset when there isn't some grand gesture of gratitude in return. As Aunty Pat pointed out the other day to me, for Mum, food is currency. I'd agree with that, and add that the exchange rate is way too high for my liking.

This is going to be a problem if I have Angel down here to stay - she's on holiday from next week - as Mum will insist that I take full responsibility for looking after her, while at the same time expecting us to attend her meals and expecting Angel to behave, well, like an angel. It just ain't gonna happen. Angel has a healthy disrespect for authority, especially the kind that doesn't hold itself accountable. Looks like I might have to go up to London sometime, maybe spend a couple of days at Nick's if I can, and take Angel out for a day in town.

Labels: depression, family, personal